Even if it is a sketch, a doodle or a simple line drawing – my heart stops and sings. It is a melody filled with lines, curves and color. I love it. I really do.
I have always loved sketching, cartooning… mainly doodling. Time stops for me each time I do it. I just never believed myself good enough to make anything out of it. That’s why I went and did other stuff – webdesign, animation, training, print and layout… but always touching on the realm of creation. I have to create. I have to do something creative or else I die a little inside.
I told Billie, each year, I have this urge. I can’t sleep. My mind would be filled with art stuff – from murals to terracotta pieces. I’d be making and creating them in my mind. I’d fill walls and walls with it – in fact my mind would come up with an entire exhibit. I know what I want, I know what I want to see, I know how to do it. Then as sudden as it came – it is gone. It happens each year.
But do I act on it? No. Sometimes it’s because of the money, sometimes it is also because I’m tied to a job that doesn’t allow me extra time. There was a time I was jobless and Brian was out of school – I couldn’t even put food on the table but my mind would be full of images – for a month. Then it would be gone.
When I didn’t act on these images, they came less and less. There was a time, I’d just have it for a day or two. Then it was gone. At first it was ok. That took out one distraction when it came to working. Later on it felt that something was missing in my life. Like a big part of me was gone. Then it took a lot of effort to be creative. I realized that whatever happens – I have to keep drawing.
Anything.
So that’s what I did. That’s what I have been doing. To keep myself sane – I draw. Now I have the time and the money to buy what I need. I can draw.
And perhaps those insane images in my head could be laid out on paper, my heart could finally sing its songs and I will be at peace.
